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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Clint Eastwood Gives Bizarre Speech

Speaking nearly 12 minutes instead of his allotted five, Oscar-winning director and actor Clint Eastwood, 82, delivered unusual, rambling remarks at the Republican National Convention in which he pretended to talk with an invisible President Obama seated in an empty chair on stage. What do you think?

  • “I thought the chair did pretty good.”

    Kathleen Tinkley Systems Analyst
  • “When did the RNC start allowing old rich white guys to ramble nonsense on stage?”

    Gerald Moskowitz Grinding Wheel Inspector
  • “I bet the empty chair bit went over better when he was practicing it alone in his hotel room.”

    Marshall Wattles Acrobatic Rigger
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