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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Clinton Brought In On Economy

The White House announced Wednesday that it had enlisted former president Bill Clinton to reach out to businesses and encourage job creation. What do you think?

  • "Good luck. I sent him my resumé like a year ago and I never heard back."

    Joy Crawford Systems Analyst
  • "Wait, if Bill Clinton encourages businesses to create jobs, are jobs created? Should we have thought of this sooner?"

    Brian Kovalic Dado Operator
  • "They know Bill Clinton? Cool."

    Sean Kaesberg Joint Cutter

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