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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Clinton: Part 2

As America stands on the brink of the second half of the Bill Clinton Era, what are your thoughts?
  • "Now that Clinton has been re-elected, we as a nation will get to find out if Chelsea blossoms into a beautiful piece of ass."

    Ned Branforth Accountant
  • "Under Clinton's leadership, I hope to advance to the soft-serve machine."

    Wally Givens Chemical Engineer
  • "Whatever happens in the next four years, it can't possibly be worse than it was under that clown Clinton."

    Alyson Blum Oboe Player
  • "Now that Clinton is in the White House, I look forward to four years of health care reform, gays in the military and, at last, renewed racial harmony. Go Clinton!"

    Eileen Putnam Systems Analyst
  • "You never know what tomorrow will bring, so you just have to put on a smile, keep your chin to the wind and hide your heroin in a balloon in your butthole."

    Ed Vallely Environmentalist
  • "I only hope that Clinton remembers the children."

    Jorge Bellson Groundskeeper

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