adBlockCheck

Clothing Prices Expected To Rise 10%

Top Headlines

Recent News

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Clothing Prices Expected To Rise 10%

Retail clothing prices, which have dropped over the past decade, may soon spike by 10 percent percent as the cost of cotton reaches record highs. What do you think?

  • "You don't scare me, clothing. You need me. You depend on me. Without me, you don't make any sense."

    Esther Stroughter Junction Maker
  • "Wow. I've been looking for a reason to justify my increased promiscuity, and while this information doesn't do that, it does justify my laundry theft."

    Dwayne Echlin Numerical Control Machine Operator
  • "I would blame this on Big Cotton, but that's my cat's name, and I know Scrabbles didn't do it, either."

    Horatio Segal Systems Analyst

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close