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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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'Cloud Atlas' Weak At Box Office

Featuring six plots woven together across five centuries, the Tom Hanks and Halle Berry movie Cloud Atlas, which is based on a David Mitchell novel long considered “unfilmable,” opened to middling reviews and poor ticket sales. What do you think?

  • “Some said Ulysses was unfilmable, too. Turned out it was.”

    Kay Witt Sound Mixer
  • “You’d think audiences wouldn’t be able to resist the daring originality of a big-budget sci-fi/fantasy epic with philosophical undertones.”

    Nicholas Hartwick Parole Officer
  • “I was completely baffled by the trailer, so I watched the entire film hoping I’d understand it better, but I didn’t, so then I read the book, which also didn’t make any sense. So now I’m going to go back and watch the trailer again to see if I missed something.”

    Rich Osment Materials Engineer

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