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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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CNN And The Movies

CNN journalists have come under fire for a number of recent appearances in films, including The Lost World and Contact. What do you think about the mixing of journalism and Hollywood?
  • "If this trend continues, journalists will become made-up talking heads concerned more with ratings than reportage. I would not want to live in such a world."

    Cheryl Krenchicki Gardener
  • "Did you ever see that one movie with Walter Cronkite about some war? I think it was called The Vietnam War. It was pretty good, but it kind of dragged in parts."

    Wayne Poole Town Supervisor
  • "I just can't trust reporters anymore. Not after Channel 12's Jill Nystrom convinced me to go to Cranberry Days and it sucked."

    Roy Burnham Engraver
  • "There's only one reporter I can count on to give me the news straight: Fact Or Fiction host James Brolin."

    Neil Engers Pediatrician
  • "TV reporters should not be appearing in movies. It's an abuse of their power and influence—power and influence that would be put to much better use spreading the Good News of our savior, Jesus Christ."

    Denise Thon Systems Analyst
  • "Enough already: Kermit The Frog should stop fence-sitting and decide whether he's a reporter or a muppet."

    Pete Orosco Art Director

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