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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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CNN And The Movies

CNN journalists have come under fire for a number of recent appearances in films, including The Lost World and Contact. What do you think about the mixing of journalism and Hollywood?
  • "If this trend continues, journalists will become made-up talking heads concerned more with ratings than reportage. I would not want to live in such a world."

    Cheryl Krenchicki Gardener
  • "Did you ever see that one movie with Walter Cronkite about some war? I think it was called The Vietnam War. It was pretty good, but it kind of dragged in parts."

    Wayne Poole Town Supervisor
  • "I just can't trust reporters anymore. Not after Channel 12's Jill Nystrom convinced me to go to Cranberry Days and it sucked."

    Roy Burnham Engraver
  • "There's only one reporter I can count on to give me the news straight: Fact Or Fiction host James Brolin."

    Neil Engers Pediatrician
  • "TV reporters should not be appearing in movies. It's an abuse of their power and influence—power and influence that would be put to much better use spreading the Good News of our savior, Jesus Christ."

    Denise Thon Systems Analyst
  • "Enough already: Kermit The Frog should stop fence-sitting and decide whether he's a reporter or a muppet."

    Pete Orosco Art Director
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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