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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Co-Founder Of Mattel Dead

Elliot Handler, the co-founder of the company that introduced Barbie dolls and Hot Wheels cars, died Thursday at age 95. What do you think?

  • "If he's no good anymore, is it okay to pull his arms off?"

    Gary Bélanger Hull Inspector
  • "I didn't need to hear that. I prefer my multimillion-dollar corporations faceless and vaguely sinister."

    Melissa Forrest Dye-Tank Tender
  • "But who will give my son something to do and my daughter something to feel bad about?"

    Rich Mongrain Package Crimper

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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