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New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:
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Coachella To Be Held On Cruise Ship

Partnering with Celebrity Cruises, the popular Southern California music festival Coachella is expanding its presence to a 3,000-person vessel dubbed the S.S. Coachella, which will travel through the Caribbean this December. What do you think?

  • “That’s great news. If there’s one problem with these multiday music festivals, it’s that you can escape them.”

    Shirley Lyon High-Rise Window Washer
  • “Eh. Once Sleigh Bells hits their fourth dinner show of the night they really slow down.”

    Dave Grazewski Bicycle Messenger
  • “Will there still be mud on the boat?”

    Merritt Cashin Systems Analyst

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