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Coachella To Be Held On Cruise Ship

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Coachella To Be Held On Cruise Ship

Partnering with Celebrity Cruises, the popular Southern California music festival Coachella is expanding its presence to a 3,000-person vessel dubbed the S.S. Coachella, which will travel through the Caribbean this December. What do you think?

  • “That’s great news. If there’s one problem with these multiday music festivals, it’s that you can escape them.”

    Shirley Lyon High-Rise Window Washer
  • “Eh. Once Sleigh Bells hits their fourth dinner show of the night they really slow down.”

    Dave Grazewski Bicycle Messenger
  • “Will there still be mud on the boat?”

    Merritt Cashin Systems Analyst

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