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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Coast Guard Sinks Vacant Ship

The U.S. Coast Guard used cannon fire to sink the 164-foot Ryou-Un Maru, a Japanese "ghost ship" set adrift by the tsunami last year. What do you think?

  • "I think it's important we send a clear message to all ocean debris: Your aimless drifting will not be tolerated."

    Rita Wright Systems Analyst
  • "Since when is America responsible for picking up Poseidon's slack?"

    Jonas Wincott Hand Molder
  • "Hey, Gordon Lightfoot, ‘The Wreck Of The Ryou-Un Maru’ could be your ticket to a lake house."

    Russell Forlani Alloy Weigher
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