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Coeds Drink More At Themed Parties

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Coeds Drink More At Themed Parties

A study conducted by researchers at San Diego State University and the University of Michigan found that college women are encouraged to drink more at theme parties. What do you think?
  • "In my day, women didn't abuse alcohol until after we got married, became housewives, and realized our lives were over."

    Lori Paulson Information Booth Attendant
  • "Interesting. Same thing happens to me on work-themed days."

    Scott Archer Copywriter
  • "'Theme' is not the correct term. I think you mean 'motif.' I'll be in my office until four if you need any further notes."

    Kathleen Jaffee English Professor

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