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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Coffee Counteracts Alcohol

A study published by the Archives of Internal Medicine demonstrates that drinking coffee can offset the detrimental effects of alcohol on the liver. What do you think?
  • "Who needs coffee when you have a family full of sober organ-donors?"

    Alexandra Ledoux Systems Analyst
  • "Why all the hubbub? Isn't the liver just a useless old organ at the end of the intestines? Oh, that's the appendix. Can coffee offset the effects of alcohol on the appendix?"

    Jason Zellar Laser Printer Technician
  • "Typical scientists, always giving us useless, abstract information. Where's the chart showing the proper cappuccino-to-Jaeger ratio?"

    Christopher Martin Youth Pastor
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