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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Coffee May Improve Memory

Researchers found that individuals who viewed a series of images and then consumed 200 mg of caffeine performed better on a memory test the following day compared to subjects who did not take caffeine. What do you think?

  • “Wow, imagine being able to watch any TV show without having to see the recap before each episode.”

    Deborah Riccio Marble Carver
  • “Great. I’ve been looking for a way to keep all those video game scores ingrained in my mind.”

    Ty Robillard Relief Map Modeler
  • “Very good, but that still leaves one nagging question: Does drinking coffee improve memory?”

    D.J. Quezada Orchestra Conductor

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