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Scientists Discover 99% Of NFL Players’ Brains Slimy

SEATTLE—In a major advancement of the ongoing effort to better understand the specific neurobiology of these athletes, a new study released Wednesday by scientists at the University Of Washington revealed that 99 percent of NFL players’ brains are slimy.

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Coffee May Improve Memory

Researchers found that individuals who viewed a series of images and then consumed 200 mg of caffeine performed better on a memory test the following day compared to subjects who did not take caffeine. What do you think?

  • “Wow, imagine being able to watch any TV show without having to see the recap before each episode.”

    Deborah Riccio Marble Carver
  • “Great. I’ve been looking for a way to keep all those video game scores ingrained in my mind.”

    Ty Robillard Relief Map Modeler
  • “Very good, but that still leaves one nagging question: Does drinking coffee improve memory?”

    D.J. Quezada Orchestra Conductor

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