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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Coffee May Prolong Life

Recent studies have showed that coffee drinkers are likely to live longer than non-coffee-drinkers, regardless of whether their beverage of choice is regular or decaf. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, but coffee drinkers are also more alert and productive, so there’s a trade-off.”

    Dan Udy Screen-Machine Operator
  • “The study neglected to mention that hazelnut blend will make the last few years of your life unbearable.”

    Fiona Stein Unemployed
  • “I’m so sick of scientists telling us that everything we thought was bad for us is actually good for us. Isn’t there any way to destroy your body anymore?”

    Lou Kovacs Dowel Pointer
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