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Cold Temperatures Help With Weight Loss

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Cold Temperatures Help With Weight Loss

A recent study showed that exposure to lower temperatures forces the body to burn more calories in order to keep a steady internal temperature of 98.6 degrees, with scientists suggesting that turning down the thermostat could help people shed pounds. What do you think?

  • “Now we know why everyone in the Midwest looks like a model during the winter.”

    Adam Newman Kiosk Salesman
  • “Yeah, but it’s more fun to be sitting next to a nice warm fire, chowing down on cheeseburgers.”

    Siobhan Rey Luggage Inspector
  • “Whether I’m sweating like a pig in the summer or freezing off the pounds in the winter, a slob like me really can’t lose.”

    Harry Minoff Panel Moderator

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