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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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College Binge Drinking

A recent American Medical Association study found that binge drinking is on the rise on college campuses, as are alcohol-related deaths. What do you think?
  • "Last November, my friend Brad got drunk, and he fell down a flight of stairs and died of massive brain trauma. We were ripped to the tits, dude."

    Daryl Woodley Student
  • "As part of my fraternity's initiation ritual, pledges are required to die of alcohol poisoning."

    Ricky Hanratty Student
  • "Sure, binge drinking can be a serious problem, but how else are college students supposed to foster an environment conducive to date rape?"

    Peter Malone Bricklayer
  • "Most college students aren't even 21, so this is really more of a grad-school issue."

    Annette Brister Interpreter
  • "Forget college. I'm doing my best binge drinking now that I'm in my 40s and have a dead-end job and a fucking albatross of a family."

    Steven Stoudt Systems Analyst
  • "What's wrong with letting off a little steam five to six nights a week?"

    Stephanie Blackledge Dental Hygienist

More from this section

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

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