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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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College Presidents Rethinking Drinking Age

A group of 104 college and university presidents has signed a statement that suggests the minimum drinking age of 21 encourages a culture of dangerous, clandestine drinking. What do you think?
  • "Wait, where exactly is this culture? I am a 48-year-old housewife. I want in."

    Toni Graber Housewife
  • "I remember the hassle of having to do keg stands from behind a curtain."

    Carl Rasmussen Systems Analyst
  • "That may be, but getting a fake ID and sneaking into bars at least builds ingenuity and lateral thinking."

    Sean Rowan Bookstore Manager

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