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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Color Blindness Cured in Monkeys

An experimental treatment in which a human virus carrying color-sensing genes was injected into monkeys' eyes resulted in a drastic reduction in red-green color blindness. What do you think?
  • "Wonderful. Now those monkeys can obey traffic lights like everybody else."

    Mandy Fielding Systems Analyst
  • "Of all the things I've injected into monkeys' eyes, I never considered experimental therapies."

    Eric Hunt Lab Technician
  • "Hopefully the monkeys will remember our act of generosity in the troubled era to come."

    Jim Schmidt Roof Bolter
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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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