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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Color Blindness Cured in Monkeys

An experimental treatment in which a human virus carrying color-sensing genes was injected into monkeys' eyes resulted in a drastic reduction in red-green color blindness. What do you think?
  • "Wonderful. Now those monkeys can obey traffic lights like everybody else."

    Mandy Fielding Systems Analyst
  • "Of all the things I've injected into monkeys' eyes, I never considered experimental therapies."

    Eric Hunt Lab Technician
  • "Hopefully the monkeys will remember our act of generosity in the troubled era to come."

    Jim Schmidt Roof Bolter
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