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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Color-Coded Alert System Canceled

The Department of Homeland Security is discontinuing the color-coded threat advisory system that has been in place since March 2002. What do you think?

  • "That's probably for the best. I was getting sick of forgetting to check the advisory before traveling."

    Carlos Menuck Solar Panel Installer
  • "I think Obama should replace it with a simple yes-or-no system that tells you when it's okay to be racist."

    Bailey Moya Van Driver
  • "Uh-oh, we're in the worst state—no color at all."

    Luke Pezzente Unemployed

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