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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Colorado Earns $2 Million In Tax Revenue From Legal Pot

The Colorado Department of Revenue announced that during the state’s first month of legal recreational marijuana sales, it collected $2 million in taxes from about $14 million in total sales. What do you think?

  • “Who knew selling drugs could be so lucrative?”

    Cameron Griffin Housing Supervisor
  • “If they made that much off of marijuana, imagine how much they could make by taxing other stuff.”

    Kelly Copelin Booking Agent
  • “It’s always nice to hear about states. How’s Kansas doing?”

    Robert Welch Picture Framer

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