adBlockCheck

Sports

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
End Of Section
  • More News

Colorado Football Under Fire

In a growing scandal, several women have charged that they were raped by football players at the University of Colorado. What do you think?
  • "This is going to negatively affect the entire Colorado athletic department. I wish people would think before they let the rape

    Pamela King Florist
  • "See? See? One breast is flashed at a football game and the whole sport goes into the gutter."

    Eric Scott AV Technician
  • "This is what happens when you tell people to give 110 percent."

    Anna Baker Bill Collector
  • "As an athlete, all I can say is that all this sex talk is making me want to go rape someone."

    Anthony Benkes Athlete
  • "I heard that some Colorado Buffaloes raped some women and was absolutely horrified. But it turned out it's the name of their fo

    Joshua Hall Systems Analyst
  • "What happened to the good old days of college football, when you never heard about things like this happening, even though they

    Gregory Carter Orchestrator

More from this section

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close