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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Colorado Rockies Trademark 'Rocktober'

To celebrate their first trip to the World Series, the Colorado Rockies are designating the month of October "Rocktober," and the team is seeking to trademark the term. What do you think?
  • "If there is one thing that can make up for a humiliating 13-1 loss, it’s a tired marketing catchphrase."

    Sue Tate Systems Analyst
  • "Someone better not snatch up 'Two for Tuesday,' or it could be back to cleaning grease traps for this classic rock DJ."

    Animal Barber Radio DJ
  • "I never realized baseball could be so much fun!"

    Cole Javerbaum Weather Proofer

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