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Colorado Shooter Being Evicted

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Colorado Shooter Being Evicted

Eviction proceedings were formally brought against accused Aurora, CO gunman James Holmes on Wednesday, with his landlord citing the tenant’s murder of 12 theatergoers, damage to the premises, and rigging of multiple explosive devices in the apartment as violations of his lease. What do you think?

  • “This is a pretty convenient excuse for his landlord to hold onto that security deposit.”

    Rusty Novotny
    Liquid-Sugar Melter
  • “I’m with the landlord on this one, especially if he walked around making bombs all night with his shoes on. There’s nothing worse than that.”

    Kerri Creber
    Systems Analyst
  • “Yeah, my landlord’s a dick, too.”

    Fritz Jacobson
    Music Therapist

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