Colorado, Washington Legalize Marijuana

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Vol 48 Issue 45

Anorexic Woman At Gym Looking Good

CHICAGO—Citing her shapeless physique, protruding skeleton, and jaundiced complexion, gym members exercising at a local Equinox Fitness Club on Friday confirmed that the anorexic woman working out on the first floor is looking good. “Oh, man, ...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

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Colorado, Washington Legalize Marijuana

Voters in Colorado and Washington state adopted ballot measures yesterday that will legalize possession of marijuana for recreational use by anyone 21 years of age or older, although the drug remains prohibited under federal law. What do you think?

  • “Legal? I don’t want it anymore.”

    Koko Loveday
    Toll Bridge Attendant
  • “Getting those measures on the ballot and convincing voters to support them took hundreds of hours of hard work by the pro-legalization movement. I just hope they can somehow find a way to relax now that it’s over with.”

    Clarence Montuno
    Systems Analyst
  • “Just think about it, man. How can something be legal and illegal at the same time? Whoa!”

    Brian Janosch
    Food Delivery Person
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