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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Colorado, Washington Legalize Marijuana

Voters in Colorado and Washington state adopted ballot measures yesterday that will legalize possession of marijuana for recreational use by anyone 21 years of age or older, although the drug remains prohibited under federal law. What do you think?

  • “Legal? I don’t want it anymore.”

    Koko Loveday Toll Bridge Attendant
  • “Getting those measures on the ballot and convincing voters to support them took hundreds of hours of hard work by the pro-legalization movement. I just hope they can somehow find a way to relax now that it’s over with.”

    Clarence Montuno Systems Analyst
  • “Just think about it, man. How can something be legal and illegal at the same time? Whoa!”

    Brian Janosch Food Delivery Person
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