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Colossal Supermassive Black Hole Discovered

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Charles Koch Orders Sniper To Fire Warning Shot Next To Marco Rubio On Debate Stage

GREENVILLE, SC—In response to the presidential candidate’s unsatisfactory answer to a question about the economic effects of environmental regulations, Koch Industries CEO Charles Koch reportedly ordered a sniper positioned in the rafters of the Greenville Peace Center to fire a warning shot near Marco Rubio’s podium during Saturday’s Republican debate.
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Colossal Supermassive Black Hole Discovered

Scientists at the Max Planck Institute for Astronomy in Germany announced the discovery of the biggest black hole ever recorded, a mammoth ultradense celestial body that is 17 billion times the mass of our sun. What do you think?

  • “Great, now I won’t be able to sleep at night knowing that thing is out there.”

    James Pless
    Sweatband Maker
  • “Shoot, I guess that means the Germans get to colonize it first.”

    Bruce Kennedy
    Animal Physiologist
  • “I don’t care if it’s the biggest black hole. I just want to know if it’s the best black hole.”

    Kathy Halland
    Sugar Grinder

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