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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Combat Service Doubles Suicide Risk

A report in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health states that white men who served in combat in the U.S. armed forces are twice as likely to die by their own hands as non-veterans. What do you think?
  • "Clearly there has to be a better screening process to keep these lunatics out of the military."

    Ariel Langhorne Draftsperson
  • "If they're going to kill themselves anyway, they should at least sign up for another tour."

    Dale Tyler Systems Analyst
  • "We need more morale-boosting USO shows immediately. Where's that Wynonna Judd and Chuck Norris?"

    Jared Palmer Busboy
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