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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Comcast To Acquire Time Warner Cable For $45 Billion

The nation’s biggest cable television operator Comcast announced this morning that they have agreed to buy number-two provider Time Warner Cable for $45.2 billion in stock, bringing their total customer base to more than 30 million. What do you think?

  • “Shut up, no they didn’t. Don’t just lie to my face like that.”

    Jason Ross Systems Analyst
  • “You mean I can get all of the blazing-fast speeds of Comcast coupled with the dependability of Time Warner Cable?”

    Rebecca LaFlure Wedding Planner
  • “Does the FCC really want one cable provider to have such a major influence in the last few remaining years of people needing a cable provider?”

    Ben Harries Hypnotherapist

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