adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
End Of Section
  • More News

Company Lets Customers Send Dead Pets’ Ashes To Space

Celestis, a Houston company that has offered a service called “Earth Rise” since 1997 that sends cremated human remains to space, is now extending the same service to deceased pets, allowing pet owners to launch their pets’ ashes into space in a small memorial capsule and then receive it as a keepsake once it falls back to earth, for a cost of $12,500. What do you think?

  • “It’s about time the private sector took over the task of sending dead animals into space.”

    James Wilkinson Hedge Trimmer
  • “Good to know I can keep spending way too much money on my pets even after they die.”

    Robert Davies Light Bulb Replacer
  • “Joke’s on you, Celestis. Those were my brother’s ashes. I only paid the pet rate!”

    Janet Thompson Futon Designer

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close