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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Company Using Magnets To Clean Up Space Debris

A Singaporean company has announced plans to use special, magnetic satellites to dispose of man-made debris in orbit around the earth. What do you think?

  • “I thought the whole point of space being infinite was to use it as a landfill.”

    Lauren Supley Patent Troll
  • “That pig John Glenn sure left a fucking mess up there.”

    Adam Kelin Small Game Hunter
  • “And they said garbagemen would never play among the stars.”

    Burt Salisbury Amateur Greeter

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