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Computer Countdown To '00

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Disney Begins Uploading Obama’s Consciousness To Hall Of Presidents Robot

BAY LAKE, FL—In an effort to provide park visitors with the most true-to-life attraction possible, Walt Disney World officials announced Monday that computer technicians have begun uploading Barack Obama’s consciousness into his animatronic robot likeness at the Magic Kingdom’s Hall of Presidents exhibit.

Facebook’s Plans For The Future

From instant articles to live video, Facebook continues to look for new ways to expand its reach and offerings. Here are some plans on the horizon for the social media giant

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users
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Computer Countdown To '00

There is widespread fear among computer experts that the turn of the millennium will create vast problems, as computers across the world—programmed with only the last two digits of a year—will mistake 2000 for 1900. What do you think?
  • "I pray that a solution is found. What will happen to my Ms. Pac Man high scores?"

    David Charbonneau Carpet Salesman
  • "I hope this problem won't affect the hovering space cars we'll be driving in 2000."

    Robyn Lipman Systems Analyst
  • "My computer went all crazy on me the other day. But I think it was because I ejaculated all over the keyboard."

    Wally Putnam Landscaper
  • "Without a computer, how will I speak to my friends in Japan, order a bouquet of roses and help my son with his report on dinosaurs?"

    Rachel Stryzinski Librarian
  • "In just three years, William McKinley will lead the country, the auto-mobile fad will be in full swing, and I shall sport a jaunty boater cap and wax my moustache!"

    Pete Mortman Choir Director
  • "Open the pod bay doors, Hal... Hal? I won't argue with you, Hal!"

    Mitchell Jessup Chemical Engineer

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