Recent News

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Computer Countdown To '00

There is widespread fear among computer experts that the turn of the millennium will create vast problems, as computers across the world—programmed with only the last two digits of a year—will mistake 2000 for 1900. What do you think?
  • "I pray that a solution is found. What will happen to my Ms. Pac Man high scores?"

    David Charbonneau Carpet Salesman
  • "I hope this problem won't affect the hovering space cars we'll be driving in 2000."

    Robyn Lipman Systems Analyst
  • "My computer went all crazy on me the other day. But I think it was because I ejaculated all over the keyboard."

    Wally Putnam Landscaper
  • "Without a computer, how will I speak to my friends in Japan, order a bouquet of roses and help my son with his report on dinosaurs?"

    Rachel Stryzinski Librarian
  • "In just three years, William McKinley will lead the country, the auto-mobile fad will be in full swing, and I shall sport a jaunty boater cap and wax my moustache!"

    Pete Mortman Choir Director
  • "Open the pod bay doors, Hal... Hal? I won't argue with you, Hal!"

    Mitchell Jessup Chemical Engineer
More Videos


More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.