Computer Crash Affects Dow Jones

In This Section

Vol 43 Issue 09

NFL Combine Highlights

With the NFL draft combine in the books, Onion Sports takes a closer look at some of the more notable performances:

Cheney Nearly Bombed

At least nine people have died in a suicide bombing at a U.S. base in Afghanistan during Vice President Dick Cheney's stay. What do you think?
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comfort

  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

Personal Finance

Computer Crash Affects Dow Jones

A computer error fueled a panic at the already jittery New York Stock Exchange Tuesday, causing stocks to fall further. What do you think?
  • "I was fooled by the glitch and tried to sell off my portfolio, but luckily I couldn't get my broker on the phone because he shot himself in the head. Whew!"

    Robin Feil
    Systems Analyst
  • "That's the last straw. I'm taking my money out of stocks right now and putting it toward a hot dog."

    Jordan Dixon
    Non-Profit Fundraiser
  • "If anyone could handle a stock-exchange computer glitch, it's those calm, composed Wall Street traders."

    Jonathan Edgerton
    Tour Guide
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More