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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Computer Makers Die More

Death rates among people who work building computers are considerably higher than the rest of the population. What do you think?
  • "Great. So when the computers turn against us, there won't be anyone alive who knows their weaknesses."

    Ken Glaser Landscape Architect
  • "Jeez, now I feel bad about upgrading to the arsenic graphics card."

    Jessica LaGrange Systems Analyst
  • "Man, you can't do anything fun anymore without getting cancer. No smoking, no working in computer factories, no handling beryllium or beryllium compounds, no nothing, man."

    Alex Beerman Store Clerk

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