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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Computer Virus May Be Blasting AC/DC In Iran

A new computer virus that targets Iran’s nuclear facilities is believed to be causing AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” to blast at full volume from Iranian scientists’ workstations in the middle of the night. What do you think?

  • “My God, someone has hijacked AC/DC’s art and turned it into a weapon.”

    Brendan Mulcahy Systems Analyst
  • “Oh, yeah, I think those assholes at WZBB have the same virus.”

    Fletcher Holic Gunsmith
  • “AC/DC is a good start. Then, slowly, they can be introduced to Boston, then some Rush, then Judas Priest, and then on to Mötorhead, after which they’ll be so enlightened that they’ll discontinue any nuclear weapons program.”

    Brittany Tobias Salvage Inspector

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