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Confederate-Flag Controversy

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Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Wow, Dad Really Went From Zero To 60 With Woodworking This Summer

PAGE, AZ—Expressing their astonishment as they once again heard the sound of their father using his circular saw in the garage despite his seemingly complete lack of interest in the craft prior to last month, the children of area man Sam Morgan, 52, confirmed Tuesday that, wow, their dad had really gone from zero to 60 with woodworking this summer.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.
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Confederate-Flag Controversy

On Jan. 17, more than 47,000 people marched on South Carolina's Statehouse to protest the flying of the Confederate flag over the capitol dome. What do you think about the presence of what many consider an emblem of slavery?
  • "As a Southerner, I simply want to display the Confederate flag as an important symbol of my heritage and history. My hatred of niggers has nothing to do with it."

    Jesse Lee Willis Auto Mechanic
  • "Hasn't South Carolina learned anything since the days of the Civil War? On second thought, I think I'd rather not know the answer to that question."

    Anthony Banks Systems Analyst
  • "If they can still fly the Nazi flag over the capitol in Berlin, South Carolina should have the right to fly the Stars and Bars. What? When did that happen?"

    Denise Schourek Massage Therapist
  • "It is unconscionable that, in this day and age, that ugly symbol of racism is painted on the roof of the General Lee. Sheriff Roscoe should teach them Duke boys a lesson."

    Oscar Haney Delivery Driver
  • "I'm from the South, my daddy's from the South, and my daddy's daddy's from the South. All three of us are from the South."

    Knox Williams Banker
  • "If I were a citizen of South Carolina, I'd be deeply ashamed. Now, what's this about a flag?"

    Irene Lewis Actuary

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