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Congress Clears U.S. Airspace For More Drones

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PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

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PAGE, AZ—Expressing their astonishment as they once again heard the sound of their father using his circular saw in the garage despite his seemingly complete lack of interest in the craft prior to last month, the children of area man Sam Morgan, 52, confirmed Tuesday that, wow, their dad had really gone from zero to 60 with woodworking this summer.

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PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.
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Congress Clears U.S. Airspace For More Drones

With a vote of 75 to 20 in the Senate, Congress approved a bill that will allow more drones, military and private, in U.S. airspace. What do you think?

  • “I bet us Americans are much better at running from them than those whiny Afghans.”

    Nancy Holzman Systems Analyst
  • “It’s nice to see both parties come together to help America become the great nation James Cameron envisioned in Terminator.”

    Jonathan Baiza Precipitator
  • "I'd be a lot more worried about the potential loss of privacy if the Google Street View car hadn't already caught me passed out on my front lawn last year."

    Eric Cicero Unemployed

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