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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Congress Clears U.S. Airspace For More Drones

With a vote of 75 to 20 in the Senate, Congress approved a bill that will allow more drones, military and private, in U.S. airspace. What do you think?

  • “I bet us Americans are much better at running from them than those whiny Afghans.”

    Nancy Holzman Systems Analyst
  • “It’s nice to see both parties come together to help America become the great nation James Cameron envisioned in Terminator.”

    Jonathan Baiza Precipitator
  • "I'd be a lot more worried about the potential loss of privacy if the Google Street View car hadn't already caught me passed out on my front lawn last year."

    Eric Cicero Unemployed

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