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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Congress Rolls Back Crack Sentencing

The U.S. Congress passed legislation reducing the disparity of sentencing for crack cocaine possession versus powder cocaine from 100:1 to 18:1. What do you think?

  • "But that was half the fun of doing crack!"

    Cathy Sytsevich Systems Analyst
  • "Thank God President Reagan isn't alive to see this."

    Ryan Gargan Dip-Lube Operator
  • "Fine, I'll answer, this is a great first step toward introducing some common sense into our nation's drug laws. Now, do you want to buy some crack or not?"

    Albert Manfredi Importer

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