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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Congressman: Pregnancy Rarely Results From 'Legitimate Rape'

During an interview yesterday, Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO), who is currently locked in a heated Senate race, said that women rarely become pregnant in cases of "legitimate rape" because "the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down." What do you think?

  • “I’m sure he’s very sorry and what he meant to say was nothing at all.”

    John Kazan Systems Analyst
  • “Oh, yeah, the shutting-it-down trick! How could billions of us all have forgotten that exists?”

    Melinda Suchet Abrasive Grinder
  • “When are women going to face the fact that they don’t know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?”

    Don Langrick Bonsai Culturist

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