Congressman Resigns Over “Unwanted” Sexual Incident

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Congressman Resigns Over “Unwanted” Sexual Incident

Amid accusations he sexually assaulted an 18-year-old, Rep. David Wu (D-OR) announced he would resign as soon as debt-ceiling negotiations were complete. What do you think?

  • “It’s a good thing he’s staying for a little while. A sexual predator is exactly the kind of sane, reasoned voice we need right now.”

    Chris Bateman
    Meat Packer
  • “Portland is a forgiving place. Go buy a few rounds of Pabst, build a couple skate parks, and you should be fine.”

    Matt Shrimpton
    Lapping Machine Operator
  • “So he actually touched her? Good—for a while there I was beginning to worry all analog sexual harassment had been replaced by the Internet.”

    Bex Besser
    Machine Setter