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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Connecticut Governor Pardons Lobster

While visiting southeastern Connecticut tourist attractions yesterday, Gov. Dan Malloy officially pardoned a 15-pound lobster at a Noank, CT restaurant and then released it into the Mystic River. What do you think?

  • “But if that lobster goes out and commits violent rape, it could cost this guy the next election.”

    Blake Guenther Intelligence Specialist
  • “Sadly, when that lobster gets home, he’s going to find an entire underwater town that’s moved on without him.”

    Shelly Woodson Dancing Instructor
  • “Finally, someone delivers on a campaign promise.”

    Marques Opad Ambulance Driver
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