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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

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DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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Conspiracy Theories Mathematically Tested

Mathematicians at Oxford have devised an equation that measures the “lifespan” of a conspiracy theory before it would realistically become exposed to the public, finding that if a given theory is not substantiated within four years, the widely accepted version of events is all but certain to be true. What do you think?

  • “Interesting. Do you have any additional literature on this topic that I could pass out on the train?”

    Wendy Longeran Cubist Landscaper
  • “I’ve always suspected the field of mathematics was in on it.”

    Chet Morse Lunch Reviewer
  • “True, although this study fails to point out that sunspots and satellite trajectories are also determining factors.”

    David Doogan Script Supervisor

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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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