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Scientists Discover 99% Of NFL Players’ Brains Slimy

SEATTLE—In a major advancement of the ongoing effort to better understand the specific neurobiology of these athletes, a new study released Wednesday by scientists at the University Of Washington revealed that 99 percent of NFL players’ brains are slimy.

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Consumer Borrowing Increases In March

Overall borrowing, including credit card purchases and student loans, increased more in March than in any month in the past 10 years, pushing the total close to its level immediately preceding the recession. What do you think?

  • "It was only a matter of time before people remembered how fun it is to buy things with money they don't have."

    Carrie Wackerman Systems Analyst
  • "As a lender, I couldn't be happier about this. As a pushover with a lot of creeps for friends, I am pretty sure I am about to lose a lot of money."

    Christopher Bayley Loan Officer
  • "I like our gumption!"

    Finn Williamson Unemployed

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