adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
End Of Section
  • More News

Consumer Confidence Highest Since 2008

Confidence among U.S. consumers has risen this month to its highest level in nearly five years. What do you think?

  • “An economic index I don’t understand is going up? Yay!”

    Keith Klempner Nurse Anesthetist
  • “Does that mean I’m rich again?”

    Valerie Reitzas Insurance Underwriter
  • “After I lost my confidence to consume back in ’08, I didn’t think I’d ever have the courage to blow two month’s pay on a vintage Stratocaster, but here I am with this sexy axe.”

    Noah Keroshetz Quarry Worker

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close