Consumer Confidence Highest Since 2008

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Insurance Only Covers Generic Heart Transplant

GALLATIN, TN—Saying he will just have to trust that the new organ he receives is as good as the other options out there, local man Keith Palmero confirmed Tuesday that his insurance provider would only cover a generic heart for his upcoming transplant surgery.

‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Consumer Confidence Highest Since 2008

Confidence among U.S. consumers has risen this month to its highest level in nearly five years. What do you think?

  • “An economic index I don’t understand is going up? Yay!”

    Keith Klempner
    Nurse Anesthetist
  • “Does that mean I’m rich again?”

    Valerie Reitzas
    Insurance Underwriter
  • “After I lost my confidence to consume back in ’08, I didn’t think I’d ever have the courage to blow two month’s pay on a vintage Stratocaster, but here I am with this sexy axe.”

    Noah Keroshetz
    Quarry Worker
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