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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.
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Consumption Tax Proposed

Last week, Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan said a consumption tax, such as a national sales tax, could benefit the nation's economy. What do you think?
  • "This tax would unfairly penalize people whose televisions aren't as large as they'd like."

    Timothy Potts Systems Analyst
  • "So, does this mean that, in the future, if I don't want law and order to utterly collapse, I'll have to buy at least five things a day?"

    Lola Stein Drafter
  • "I'd been wondering if my daily ramen-noodles consumption could somehow be turned into a revenue stream for the federal government."

    Jarrod Ray Police Officer
  • "That damn Kerry! Even though he didn't get elected, he's somehow managed to sneak his insidious liberal tax-raising agenda onto us anyway!"

    Connie Crane Dentist
  • "As a man with a massive income that I only spend on necessities, this sounds like an ideal plan."

    Corey Bernard Accountant
  • "We tried an income-based tax for nearly a century and look what it brought us: greater economic stability and government accountability. Clearly, we must explore other options."

    Adrian Sears Short Order Cook

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Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

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