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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Cornell To Install Suicide-Prevention Nets

After 27 such suicides in two decades, Cornell University and the town of Ithaca, NY have agreed to install nets along the sides of five bridges to stop would-be jumpers from leaping to their deaths in the area’s famed gorges. What do you think?

  • “They might also want to change their town slogan to something other than ‘Ithaca: You’ll Never Be Good Enough.’”

    Emmet Dillon Map Clerk
  • “Wouldn’t it just be easier to make everything ground level?"

    Margaret Ontiverous Police Chief
  • “I imagine nets are probably more cost-effective than providing suicidal students with psychiatric care and medicine.”

    Jacques Moscou Hot Metal Mixer Operator

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