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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Cornell To Install Suicide-Prevention Nets

After 27 such suicides in two decades, Cornell University and the town of Ithaca, NY have agreed to install nets along the sides of five bridges to stop would-be jumpers from leaping to their deaths in the area’s famed gorges. What do you think?

  • “They might also want to change their town slogan to something other than ‘Ithaca: You’ll Never Be Good Enough.’”

    Emmet Dillon Map Clerk
  • “Wouldn’t it just be easier to make everything ground level?"

    Margaret Ontiverous Police Chief
  • “I imagine nets are probably more cost-effective than providing suicidal students with psychiatric care and medicine.”

    Jacques Moscou Hot Metal Mixer Operator
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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

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