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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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‘Cosmo’ Finally Features Sex Tips For Lesbians

After years of publishing sex tips and guides intended for heterosexual women, Cosmopolitan magazine has published its first-ever sex guide for lesbians, “28 Mind-Blowing Lesbian Sex Positions.” What do you think?

  • “A year ago I would’ve said no way, but now, I think society is finally ready to see sanitized, awkwardly captioned depictions of lesbianism.”

    Duncan Verlin Paper Plate Separator
  • “I hope they’re ready to deal with anger from conservatives who favor a more traditional definition of mind-blowing sex positions.”

    Christina Savini Audience Coordinator
  • “Lesbians must be ecstatic that they can finally start having sex correctly.”

    Anthony Romero Flag Folder
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