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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Couple Puts Abortion Option To Online Vote

After holding a vote on their website to determine whether or not they would obtain an abortion, Pete and Alisha Arnold of Apple Valley, MN will be carrying their zygote to term. What do you think?

  • "We may have lost this round, but we'll see if this kid still manages to survive when we vote again four years from now."

    Byron Tellier-Craig Crucible Pourer
  • "How else would you decide on an abortion? Trust and open communication? What is this, the ’40s?"

    Laura Walker Training Specialist
  • "If you can't decide whether or not to have a baby, there's only one choice: have it but raise it as if you didn't want to have it. That's called compromise."

    Quentin Littlefair Unemployed

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