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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Couple Puts Abortion Option To Online Vote

After holding a vote on their website to determine whether or not they would obtain an abortion, Pete and Alisha Arnold of Apple Valley, MN will be carrying their zygote to term. What do you think?

  • "We may have lost this round, but we'll see if this kid still manages to survive when we vote again four years from now."

    Byron Tellier-Craig Crucible Pourer
  • "How else would you decide on an abortion? Trust and open communication? What is this, the ’40s?"

    Laura Walker Training Specialist
  • "If you can't decide whether or not to have a baby, there's only one choice: have it but raise it as if you didn't want to have it. That's called compromise."

    Quentin Littlefair Unemployed

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