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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Couples Battling For Trendy 12/13/14 Wedding Date

In the latest instance of couples clamoring for a trendy wedding date, a new poll by David’s Bridal has revealed that more than 20,000 couples are competing to get married on 12/13/14, leading many venues to raise prices due to demand. What do you think?

  • “It may be a lot more work, but getting married on a sequential date is the kind of thing you’ll talk about for the rest of your lives.”

    Samantha Bartlett Yard Sale Consultant
  • “My friends are going to be so jealous until they think about it a little longer.”

    Kayla Gondry Urban Farmer
  • “You can’t put a price on novelty.”

    Michael Stamper Tech Desk Manager

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