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Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought, according to a startling report published Tuesday by scientists at the Institute for Advanced ...

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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Couric's Ratings Woes

Eight months after Katie Couric took over as anchor, The CBS Evening News is a distant third in the nightly news ratings, and last week recorded its lowest audience in 20 years. What do you think?
  • "This is why you should never hire a woman, or anyone even remotely sane, to do Dan Rather's job."

    Emil Brun Day Laborer
  • "How can she compete against cable news? They get to use the C-word."

    Mila Kreszpy Recordkeeper
  • "I warned her. I said 'It's not like Today, Katie. You've got to know how to read,' but she wouldn't listen."

    Matt Gander Systems Analyst

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