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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Court Awards $8K To Man Stuck On Disneyland Ride

A court awarded a paralyzed man $8,000 for the inconvenience he suffered while trapped for over 30 minutes on the “It’s A Small World” ride at Disneyland in 2009, during which time he was forced to listen to the ride’s iconic theme song on repeat. What do you think?

  • “This story reminds me of when I went to Disney World and had a really great time.”

    Barbara Anne Burke Sausage Linker
  • “That song may be annoying, but it has a good message. Mainly about how small the world is after all.”

    Mitch Redbourn Moisture Tester
  • “I’m surprised Disney’s ass wasn’t covered by the ‘God abandons all ye who enter here’ sign they post out front of that ride.”

    Yancy Crutcher Appliance Installer

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Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

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