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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Court Awards $8K To Man Stuck On Disneyland Ride

A court awarded a paralyzed man $8,000 for the inconvenience he suffered while trapped for over 30 minutes on the “It’s A Small World” ride at Disneyland in 2009, during which time he was forced to listen to the ride’s iconic theme song on repeat. What do you think?

  • “This story reminds me of when I went to Disney World and had a really great time.”

    Barbara Anne Burke Sausage Linker
  • “That song may be annoying, but it has a good message. Mainly about how small the world is after all.”

    Mitch Redbourn Moisture Tester
  • “I’m surprised Disney’s ass wasn’t covered by the ‘God abandons all ye who enter here’ sign they post out front of that ride.”

    Yancy Crutcher Appliance Installer

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