adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Court: Employers Don't Have To Enforce Lunch Break

The California Supreme Court ruled that employers were under no obligation to ensure workers take their legally mandated lunch breaks. What do you think?

  • "Not in my store. I look over my employees with an eagle eye to make sure they're resting."

    Andrew Baker Systems Analyst
  • "Fine by me. I prefer to heat up my salmon steak on the Foreman grill and eat it while I work anyway."

    Claire Nelson Tube Sorter
  • "What did the court say about drinking under your desk?"

    Sean Baynes Accountant

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close