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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Court: Employers Don't Have To Enforce Lunch Break

The California Supreme Court ruled that employers were under no obligation to ensure workers take their legally mandated lunch breaks. What do you think?

  • "Not in my store. I look over my employees with an eagle eye to make sure they're resting."

    Andrew Baker Systems Analyst
  • "Fine by me. I prefer to heat up my salmon steak on the Foreman grill and eat it while I work anyway."

    Claire Nelson Tube Sorter
  • "What did the court say about drinking under your desk?"

    Sean Baynes Accountant

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