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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Court Overturns Oklahoma Sharia Law Ban

The 10th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled it was discriminatory for Oklahoma to single out Sharia in its ban of religious law and stated there was no evidence the Islamic legal code had influenced the U.S. justice system. What do you think?

  • “What do you mean the judges found it discriminatory? Wasn’t that the whole point?”

    Marie Babcock Systems Analyst
  • "This is ridiculous. How am I going to refight this battle when I’ve already moved on to a saggy-pants ban?"

    Dan Brooks Rod Tape Operator
  • “Okay, fine, the Muslims win. What’s that dude’s name we gotta worship now?"

    Charles Martin Unemployed

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