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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Court Overturns Oklahoma Sharia Law Ban

The 10th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled it was discriminatory for Oklahoma to single out Sharia in its ban of religious law and stated there was no evidence the Islamic legal code had influenced the U.S. justice system. What do you think?

  • “What do you mean the judges found it discriminatory? Wasn’t that the whole point?”

    Marie Babcock Systems Analyst
  • "This is ridiculous. How am I going to refight this battle when I’ve already moved on to a saggy-pants ban?"

    Dan Brooks Rod Tape Operator
  • “Okay, fine, the Muslims win. What’s that dude’s name we gotta worship now?"

    Charles Martin Unemployed
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