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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Court Overturns Oklahoma Sharia Law Ban

The 10th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled it was discriminatory for Oklahoma to single out Sharia in its ban of religious law and stated there was no evidence the Islamic legal code had influenced the U.S. justice system. What do you think?

  • “What do you mean the judges found it discriminatory? Wasn’t that the whole point?”

    Marie Babcock Systems Analyst
  • "This is ridiculous. How am I going to refight this battle when I’ve already moved on to a saggy-pants ban?"

    Dan Brooks Rod Tape Operator
  • “Okay, fine, the Muslims win. What’s that dude’s name we gotta worship now?"

    Charles Martin Unemployed

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